Lunch is Not a Date

This is an interview I’ve been wanting to give for a while and I finally got around to it. I want to thank the interviewee for his extreme patience. Alan Roger Currie is the author of the popular paperback Mode One: Let The Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking, as well as his most recent paperback, Upfront and Straightforward. He is also Host of the popular Internet Talk Radio Show, “Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie.” 

There are few dating experts with whom I share views. A lot of what they preach is the same old regurgitated crap that we’ve been hearing for years, often ending with a validating, “In the end, just be yourself.” The message is all about you, you, you, and… yeah, you! Love someone? Want someone? Admire someone? Someone who has told you the interest isn’t reciprocated? All the tips add up to one giant notion: Ignore the person of interest and manipulate them into attraction via a bunch of game playing tactics. These experts are going to teach you how to control things you will never, ever, not in another million years of evolution, ever be able to control. You may trick yourself into believing you can control them and be successful for a short-time (like for two hours after filling your object of affection with four martinis), but you will never have true control, which is why your focus should be on the one thing you can totally control—yourself.

The first that intrigued me about Alan was that he uses his real name in all his work. Except for myself, I had not come across another male author on the subject for men who does so. That alone warranted discussion. (Other male purported experts use aliases, along with some of the pua’s, who used to brag about all their conquests on the Internet and keep score of the number of women they scored. I’ve always been somewhat skeptical of advice that comes from someone who can’t reveal a name. Stand in there and take your punches if you truly believe in what you preach.) After speaking with Alan, I found his views refreshing and truly helpful; hence, I wanted to interview him.

A lot of women complain to me fewer and fewer men seem to have confidence and are direct. Alan’s advice encourages men to become confident and tells them how to do so.

As is per my normal practice of being thorough, this interview is broken into two-parts and conversational. My questions are in italic and Alan’s answers aren’t. Let’s get started, shall we? Yes, because I’m writing this and you’re not.

 Alan, thank you for being available for this interview. Why didn’t you use a pseudonym for your books? What are your thoughts on techniques that make an author uncomfortable using his real name when writing a book about dating and the opposite sex?

That would be antithetical to the premise of my books. I’m all about being upfront with people and straightforwardly honest. Why “hide” my real name? But… I might use a pseudonym when I publish a potential “erotica” book related to some of my more provocative Mode One approaches. I don’t want my aunts and younger cousins to be bombarded with, “Wasn’t that your nephew who was talking about the threesome he had with two women?” (Smiles.) Ha! My mom was very proud when she heard of my sexual misadventures and told all her friends that God was re-titled Sexxx Huntman in Russia… not! She read bits of it, even though I advised her not to; mostly, she settled for my stepfather’s review that it was very funny and would have been quite helpful back in his dating days. My brother-in-law literally blacked out anything graphic before giving his copy to my younger sister for review. My older sister read it entirely as is. It is true that the more you know the writer, the harder it can be to read our particular works; but, as you point out, it has to be what it is to illustrate the point and drive it home. If you had to use three or four adjectives to describe each of your Four Modes of Interpersonal Communication, what would they be?

Mode One - Self-Assured, Upfront, Straightforwardly Honest, Unapologetic
Mode Two - Pleasant, Polite, Cautious, Beat-around-the-bush
Mode Three - Phony, Cowardly, Deceptive, Fawning
Mode Four - Resentful, Vindictive, Misogynistic, Critical So a lot of the pick up artists (PUA’s), who claim to be very confident with women, you believe are in fact not confident with women and fall anywhere from Mode 2—Mode 4, correct? That in fact most of these guys aren’t actually comfortable with women; rather, they are comfortable with their “game?”

Answer:
The main weakness in most of the behavior of the typical pick-up artist (PUA) is they tend to be deeply afraid of harsh, subjective criticisms from women, as well as abrupt rejection. When you are afraid of negative responses and/or harsh criticism, that puts you into Mode Two Behavior; when you are afraid of being rejected and/or indefinitely ignored, that puts you into Mode Three Behavior. PUA’s are manipulative in their behavior, which in turn, opens them up to be easily manipulated.

Hmm, interesting point; very insightful. That sheds a lot of light on what I mentioned earlier—the focus on manipulating each other instead of focusing on what you can control.  What mode would the nice guy be? The average guy a woman might meet at a bar? What percentage of guys do you believe are Mode 1?

Most of your proverbial “Mr. Nice Guy” types exhibit Mode Two Behavior. They can handle being rejected… especially if the rejection is delivered in a polite, not-too-harsh manner… but they can’t handle being insulted or harshly criticized by women. My estimation of [single] men in society? Probably about 5-10% exhibit Mode One Behavior consistently; About 40-50% exhibit Mode Two Behavior regularly; Approximately 25-30% exhibit Mode Three Behavior frequently and the remainder are bitter misogynists who primarily exhibit Mode Four Behavior.

Ah, we have a difference in definition on this one. I consider a player someone who is out to prove something via his relations with women. He is very vocal about his conquests with numerous people. He uses a woman’s insecurities to make her feel bad about herself, which is why players typically have few women friends. So by my definition, players fall into your Mode Three category. In a nutshell, how does exhibiting Mode One Behavior help men be more successful with women than Mode Two? You cut through the bullsh** quicker. You get right to the point about your desires, interests and intentions, which in turn enables women to be upfront and straightforward about their desires and interests. Attraction, in large part, is about quickly identifying who is on the same page as you… as far as your desires and interests… and who is not.

It is rumored that because of Mode One Behavior, you’ve experienced a lot of “Letters to Penthouse Forum” type seductions… true?

(Laughs) Yes… true. More so when I was younger than in very recent years. I was known for meeting a woman at say, 10:00pm… and by 10:30 or 10:45, we would be intimate in some manner. Like I said, Mode One cuts through the ‘entertaining fluff talk’ and allows you to get right-to-the-point.

What do you think about the label that if a woman does sleep with you within only a few hours of meeting you (or less, in your case), she is a slut?

Not by my definition. Men shoot themselves in the foot with that type of thinking. Men go out of their way to get women in bed, but then turn around and label them “hos/whores” and “sluts.” This needs to stop. When you are guilty of this, you invite women and motivate women to exhibit behavior that is very duplicitous, sexually hypocritical and manipulative. I define a “slut” as a single woman who has sex with a man who she knows ahead of time is in a committed relationship and/or a woman in a committed relationship who goes around sleeping with other men behind her companion’s back. But if a woman is single… and she makes an adult decision to have sex with a single man… that is not a “slut.” That is a mature woman. 

Check back next week for part 2 of this interview. In the interim, check out Alan’s weekly radio show, including his own guest interviews, at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ModeOne.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 at 12:59 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.