Been searching for a job, so been pretty busy. Don’t know how much time I’ll have to do interviews until I find a gig but I will try to get ‘em in! Here’s some advice in the interim.
A few weeks ago I addressed the ill-advice players purport that you shouldn’t have women friends; they see no reason for them. Another piece of bad advice that circulates among the Internet and supposedly successful lady’s men is that you should always insist on getting the woman’s digits; don’t ever settle for giving her yours. Confident guys get the woman’s number. They do whatever it takes and lots of advice encourages you to be rude and insulting.
“What’s your number?” “Why don’t you give me yours?” “Don’t give me that shit. What’s your number?” If the woman continues to resist as you push for her number, the consensus is that she “is a bitch” and you should tell her where to go and leave or even call her as such; she’s not going to go out with you, any way. Such advice causes me to question the motives and emotional health of the advisor. Is the goal to get a woman or usurp your manly hood over her (aka be the “alpha male”)? If the woman resists, the advisor’s emotions turn from interest to loathing, causing me to question how much he really liked the woman to begin with. Calling someone a bitch because she refuses to give you her digits is extreme. I understand the advice—you can’t be certain there will be additional contact unless you get her information. You can’t trust her to contact you. The advice itself, though, conflicts with one of the basic principles of attraction… confidence. If you ask for a woman’s number, she counters by offering to take yours, and you insist on taking hers, instead, you now look extremely non-confident. Shouldn’t you be so confident that you just nonchalantly hand her your number, knowing she will call? Isn’t that the highest level of confidence? Despite loads of advice to the contrary (in fact, everything I’ve ever read), giving a woman your digits can be very effective, if done nonchalantly to preserve your confidence. In fact, sometimes you’re better off just giving her your number without even asking for hers. The woman I just finished dating, we’ll call her Valerie, is the prettiest woman I’ve ever dated. I was at a bar after my floor hockey match one night (shut up, it’s a sport… kind of) along with two other guys on my team, all of us wearing sweats and probably looking pretty grubby after a double-header. Valerie walked by our table. She had long, thick auburn hair, silky ivory skin, bright eyes, a warm smile, long legs and a great body. I turned to my teammates—all of us were watching her walk by, of course—and said, “I have got to meet her.”
A little later she walked by again, chewing a piece of gum and toting her purse. I stopped her. “Excuse me, do you have another piece of gum, by any chance?” She smiled. “Actually, I do.”
She dug into her purse and handed me the pack. I thanked her and she continued on her way. Thirty minutes later, my friends and I headed out of the bar. En route, we passed Valerie and her friend. I stopped while my friends continued. “Hi, thanks again for the gum. You got your cell? I’m gonna give you my number; I owe you piece of gum.” “That’s really okay, you don’t need to give me any gum.” “No, no; I insist. I don’t want any bad gum karma. Then I won’t be able to get a piece when I need it.”
She laughed and I jaunted with her friend while she searched for her cell. I gave her my number and told her to call me when she had a gum emergency; I would be there. Valerie phoned two days later, we talked a few times on the phone, and had our first date the following week. It was the most fun relationship I’ve had in several years.
I met Stacy, the woman I dated prior to Valerie, at a bar, as well. I invited her to dinner at a restaurant in her hometown, a burb just outside Chicago. “Okay.” I pulled out my cell, “What’s your number?” “Give me yours, instead.” I gave her my number and email. She emailed me a week later and we dated for a while, as well. Again, a fun woman. I would have looked like a cad if I asked for Valerie’s number and non-confident if I pushed Stacy for hers. The more I pushed, the less likely she would be to return my call once I got her number. And certainly calling her a bitch and walking away wasn’t going to accomplish anything. The problem with focusing on getting a woman’s number is that you’re not focusing on the woman. Once again, you are focusing on game. Game is not the end of the race; it’s one of several vehicles to get there. The end is comfort with women, which is why I’m always saying, “Get comfortable with women not your game.” Women have very valid reasons not for giving out their numbers, especially with today’s technology: · Safety
· Wants to make sure she hears from you so takes matters into her own hands
· Wants to make sure you’re not a creep (married or a sexual predator)
· To google you Married men refuse to give out their numbers (for obvious reasons like their wife checking their cell or their kids answering), women are tired of giving out their digits to guys who don’t call, and we are in the age of google. If you’re not aware of these things, you are the equivalent of a guy who goes hunting without studying the habits of his quarry. How many grizzlies will you kill waiting for them in your tree roost in the middle of February, while they are hibernating? It’s the same thing. Be in tune with the woman not your game. Respond accordingly. I’ve given plenty of women my digits in lieu of getting theirs and nearly all of them have called me. The few who haven’t? They were the ones I pushed to get their numbers before finally acquiescing and just giving them mine. I came off as self-doubting and that’s unappealing. Again, get comfortable with women not your game. Don’t worry about who has whose number; it’s really not that important.
